Modules 20 & 21: Discernment

6/30/2018

Welcome to Modules 20 & 21!
Because of the type and amount of content, we have combined two modules. We want to allow this to sink in and marinate for some time before we move ahead.

Practiced in every wisdom tradition, discernment is one of the major themes of spiritual guidance. In companioning another, we ask questions that help them to distinguish among options. We consider the experiences, relationships, and signs that point to new possibilities. Some of those options may all seem to lead to the same thing… but good discernment serves to point to the best option and then be at peace about it the decision.

Pick up the next module here:
http://www.awakenedliving.com/SGTI/Modules20-21.pdf

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“The essence of love is perception,” according to the teachings of Marc Gafni, “Therefore the essence of self love is self perception. You can only fall in love with someone you can see clearly—including yourself. To love is to have eyes to see. It is only when you see yourself clearly that you can begin to love yourself.”
~ From Eyes Wide Open by Mariana Caplan

6 Comments

Jeffrey Phillips

7/28/2018 08:48:18 pm

RQ (Caplan, complete book). Many valuable insights in this book! Here's what I'll take away in terms of spiritual guidance.

1. Enlightenment is beside the point. Experiences of spiritual insight and bliss, even when sustained, are not the end of the journey, but the beginning. This is another way of saying that they are not necessarily even goals. Indeed, they may be a hindrance on the seeker's forward journey. See "The Deadly Virus: 'I Have Arrived.'"

2. The need for an integrated spirituality. Psychology and spirituality belong together. They cannot be neatly separated and, indeed, support each other. It has been an ongoing struggle for me to understand the relationship between therapy and spiritual guidance. Caplan helped me see that they are closely related, yet distinct. I discussed this last week with my own spiritual director and with Jan. Many people who seek spiritual direction are also in therapy. One of my seekers is in therapy, and we talk about the relationship of her therapy to her spiritual life. My spiritual director says that therapy can be a good companion to spiritual direction, especially if a client is "stuck" in a place that is more therapy-related than spiritual. Caplan's main point seems to be that a spiritually advanced person may still have significant psychological work to do, and, if that person is a teacher ("guide"?), he or she could do more harm than good to her or his seekers.

3. The rise and fall of great gurus. Spiritual teachers and guides, like clergy, are in positions of power relative to their students/seekers/directees. This power can be a source of healing and insight for the students, or a source of great pain caused by unethical practices of an unintegrated teacher. We need a module on this! Broken, hurting people will come to us. We can assist their healing, or be the cause of greater harm. This reality requires "eyes wide open" for sure.

4. Spiritually Transmitted Diseases. This phrase is alone worth the price of the book. I can't wait to use it in a sermon! Her warning about "faux spirituality" (disease number two, page 2) ends with a reference to the classic Christian understanding of the goal of spiritual direction: profound inner transformation. If it ain't that, it ain't spirituality. The other nine are just as important. I appreciated her attention to the making of obscene amounts of money off of spirituality as a "spiritually transmitted disease." I have my "eyes wide open" for that, especially as I read critiques of Eckhart Tolle in that regard.

5. The Tantric Principle and the body as Bodhi Tree. Nothing is rejected. Everything is part of the spiritual path. This felt good to me as a Christian, with our full-on embrace of the physical in incarnational theology. I liked how she related this to dualism/non-dualism. Tantric philosophy seems to be the ultimate non-dual approach to spirituality. This is making me wonder how necessary meditation is itself to the spiritual journey since, according to the tantric perspective, everything is holy and therefore fodder for spiritual reflection, insight, and growth. It's all energy; work with it!

6. Related to the above is Caplan's reflection on the healing crisis and shadow work. Not only are the "bad things that happen" opportunities for spiritual growth, but so are the "bad things" in us. In masterful citations and uses of Jung, Caplan is persuasive. Our shadows must be faced if we are to live balanced lives with any degree of spiritual equanimity worthy of being shared with others.

7/28/2018 09:18:36 pm

RQ (discernment). Maybe I missed it, but Caplan doesn't seem to define discernment. Maybe it doesn't have to be defined! I would say it is deciding well, which means deciding carefully, honestly, clearly, and in a way that aligns with one's deepest values.

Regarding the questions we ask in a good discernment process, I would like to share with whomever is reading the insights I have learned from a book about corporate discernment in a Christian context (could be modified for use in any faith community). I have taught this book and used it at least once in an actual case where careful communal discernment was needed. The book is "Discerning God's Will Together" by Danny E. Morris and Charles M. Olsen, Alban, 1997. It combines Quaker principles of discernment, as expressed by Parker Palmer in the audio, with aspects of Christian parish life that would be readily recognized and accessible by the average church-going Christian.

Briefly, here are Morris's and Olsen's ten steps in Christian corporate discernment, which they call in their subtitle, "a spiritual practice for the church."

1. Framing. Name the issue in a way that everyone can agree.

2. Grounding. Write a principle that will ground the issue and process. The principle is rooted in the deepest values of the community and tradition.

3. Shedding. Lay aside what we already think about the issue, and what our egos are telling us is required for a "correct" outcome. It is God's will, not ours, that is important.

4. Rooting. Connect the issue with specific scriptures, hymns, symbols, concepts, rituals of the community and tradition.

5. Listening. ALL voices in the discerning community need to be carefully heard and fully honored. Those affected by the outcome, even if they are outside the community, also need to be heard.

6. Exploring. Be creative and playful, allowing many options to be named - as long as they are in agreement with the guiding principle (no. 2 above).

7. Improving. Each option is improved by the group.

8. Weighing. All improved options are sorted and tested. Which ones seem to be rising to the top?

9. Closing. Guided by the Spirit, the discerning community moves toward the selection of the option that seems to "be within the yearnings of God."

10. Resting. The outcome rests on the hearts of every member of the discerning community to determine if it produces feelings of consolation or desolation (traditional Ignatian spiritual direction terms).

Any step can be done over, and each step is bathed in silence, prayer, and consultation of the community's resources (mission statements, histories, scriptures, favorite hymns and traditions, etc). The process is guided by a trusted "discernmentarian" (as opposed to "parliamentarian"!).

There are books that similarly help individuals discern well according to their spiritual (or at least Quaker/Christian) principles.

Barbara Buckley

7/30/2018 03:06:16 am

Such valuable guidance/ process. Thank you for sharing it.

7/28/2018 09:39:13 pm

RQ (Discernment, continued)

2. I think it must produce peace, contentment, and even excitement. It may not be the decision that pleases the most people, including people we live with or who employ us, but it will give us a sense of calm and even joy.

3. I have made 99% of the most important decisions in my life not based on any kind of discernment process, but on instinct, gut, and intuition. This can be good, or it can be disastrous. I suppose I've had both outcomes in my life. But because I have not been prayerful and meditative on a regular basis until the last year, I'm sure I have made bad decisions trusting my gut when I should have been more reflective and open to other voices (both within and without).

4. Listening within is the most important thing. As Caplan suggests, it is crucial to pay attention to the shadow as well as to the light, to the "issues" that are stirring in us, as well as the "shiny things" that pull us in a certain direction. Also, run it by a spiritual director, a therapist, a religious leader, a trusted friend or relative. They will be honored that you sought out their counsel, and you may get to return the favor for them one day. Lastly, don't rush it. If it's really important, it can probably wait until you feel confident that your decision is "right."

5. A "good decision" aligns with the totality of my life. It is not so much a jarring change, but one that resonates with the past and points toward the future in the unbroken arc of my life. It is consonant with already deeply held experiences, yearnings, skills, and interests, yet also brings them out and moves them along. A "bad decision" does the opposite.

6. Ego, ego, and more ego - specifically the ego that demanded that I be an ordained parish pastor. I wish I could rewind my life to see what it would have been like to be on a more prayerful and less professional path. Who would I have met? Would I be more fulfilled? What adventures would I have taken? Would my ministry have been more fruitful, even though it would have been less conventional? Would I have been more happy - not just professionally but personally? I will never know, but I do have the chance now to be more prayerful and discerning about my life and future.

7. Tools include the people mentioned in No. 4 above, as well as a daily practice of quiet listening and attentiveness to Presence. Paying attention to the lives of others who have discerned well is also important. They be alive or dead, fictional or real, famous, or just plain old folks that we know. We need role models in life, yet we seldom think of "people who discern well" as the kind of exemplars we need to know and emulate.

Jeanette

7/31/2018 01:11:40 am

Jeffrey, I really appreciate how you name the difference between good and bad decisions (number 5). As you mentioned, good decisions are consonant with the whole of us. Good decision making is dynamic!

When I was discerning between 2 jobs, one at an urban high school with a fabulous mission, and the other at a first generational university with a limited mission, my spiritual director said to me that one of the decisions was better than the other... discernment would help me to distinguish between the options. Before that, I had thought that any decision would be ok if I make the most of it.

I also echo your comment about the need for good role models for discerning. Yes! Without good role models, our decisions are often made from values like time and money, rather than other core values.

Jan

7/29/2018 08:36:08 pm

Jeffrey, I have enjoyed reading how this module spoke to you. As you have pointed out numerous times, it is vitally important as spiritual guides that we be clear and transparent about this topic, first and foremost, within ourselves. (As within, so without). Whether this "good work of self" we will always see through foggy lenses of perception, even to the point, as you say, that we could cause harm to another. There are far too many instances of that when it comes to spiritual teachers, gurus, religious organizations, and the like. As companions, we can deftly and compassionately guide others so that they can see clearly too.

I greatly appreciate the resource on discernment you shared from the Christian tradition. This is very helpful.

I also appreciate the transparency with which you now look back on some of your own discernments. As my friend and mentor Sylvia has often said, we are genuinely trying to do the best we can in any given situation, OR we'd be doing something else. When it comes to our history of discernment, may we always be gentle with ourselves.

Thanks for this great sharing.

Modules 20 & 21: Discernment

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