As people on a dedicated spiritual path, we are always trying to do our best. We are not perfect people, but we are vulnerable human beings who play multiple roles and are beyond busy, so there will be times when we are off-balance and errors are made. Things said. Situations or people neglected. At times we may feel less than kindly toward ourselves— self-critical, judgmental, or disappointed. 
 
Feelings such as these keep us separated from our innate peace. It is wise for us to remember that mind states like these are sourced in the ego—our small, immature, wounded self—and that when we hold on to them, we perpetuate our own suffering. The opposite of the virtue of peacefulness is aggression. When we entertain thoughts and feelings that demean the reality of our basic goodness, we are at war with ourselves. 
 
When this happens to you, take a deep breath and make an adult-sized promise to yourself: a promise to thrive and be gentle with yourself. Feeling closed down, irritated, struggling with something you’ve said or done? Stop what you’re doing and open your heart to yourself. 
 
Place your hand over your heart. Feel the warmth of your hand covering your heart.
 
With the inhale, breathe in understanding, With the exhale, breathe out concern.
 
Breathe in self-forgiveness. Breathe out your disappointment in yourself.
 
Breathe in a feeling of kindness. Breathe out relief. 
 
Continue in this way until you return to a feeling of equanimity and balance. Rest in spacious awareness and trust that all is well. 
 
Receive what your wise self knows: You are a good person.
 
Receive what your faithful heart says: You are doing the very best you can.
​

©2015, Janice L. Lundy
Excerpted from Portable Peace: A Weekly Guidebook

As I sit in the non-violent communication (NVC) training, I am pondering any difficulties that I have with anyone who is not like me.  I ask myself if there are individuals or groups of which I’ve made “static assessments” or written off because their differences seem too great for me to resolve.  According to NVC, every action an enemy takes is an expression of feelings and needs.  When my needs are critically unmet, I can make an enemy of others.  Maybe I have lacked in historical competence because I do not know their cultural history.  Or perhaps I lack understanding or hope for change.

Rather than humanizing the other, I have demonized and diminished them, creating distance between them and me.  Accessing empathy and self-empathy lessens the distance and creates connection to meet both of our needs.

Non-violent communication (NVC) was developed by Marshall Rosenberg in the 1960s.  At once a communication practice, a spirituality practice, and a peace organization, NVC is deeply interspiritual.  NVC practitioners see the other as sacred and having dignity; they see themselves in the same way.  They practice mutual seeing – hearing each other at the core – and mutual assisting – giving and receiving without coercion and with freedom and gratitude.